Dreaming on Two Feet

Hell or High Water

2009-10-12T01:18:00.000-07:00

I'm soaked.
I'm training for the Ozark Trail 100 in Steeleville, Missouri, which will take place on November 7th. I'm on the regimen: MRest T6 W8 R6 FRest Sa8 Su12, and my goal is to finish 1 marathon-length training run, 1 50k, and 1 50mile, before the end of October. Thus I plan to run my 26 miles this coming Sunday, 31 the next Sunday, and 50 the Sunday after that. Then, from that point on, I will taper off. Now,

I'm soaked, but I'm happy. And exhilerated. I have just finished the capstone of this week, 12 miles. I'm not surprised about being soaked, either. Rain has been bombarding Arkansas recently, so I have been getting drenched from time to time. I finished the training run in 2 and 1/2 hours, averaging 5 mph. I've figured that in order to finish the ultramarathon in November, I must complete the first 1/4 with an average of at least 3.6 mph, then the next 3/4 in at least 3.2 mph. I suppose there's an algorythmic way to estimate how I would do with my current stats, but honestly I am too sleepy right now. I will do it tomorrow. Good night everyone!

Ben

Choir Tour 2009

2009-04-28T17:27:00.000-07:00

This year's choir tour had a very small impact radius, but it was great. Last night was a very happy evening for me. First, the Chamber Singers sang a portion of the tour program in Munger Chapel for a large crowd of people. The first song was mine, "Veni Creator Spiritus"--Dr. Lindstrom waited until after it was finished to let people know that a student had composed it, and I felt very loved. The next song was "You are the New Day", made famous by the King's Singers, a beautiful piece about nuclear war. Then we sang a Russian Song, a Swedish Song, "MLK" by U2, in which I was proud to have a solo. Then, we sang "Praise to the Lord the Almighty" a song which Hugo Distler had made his own. We performed Anna Yong (a good friend of mine from Malaysia)'s beautiful arrangement of "Moon River", "In Spring", a hot-off-the-press composition from one of Dr. Lindstrom's friends at UCA, and "Rest" by Ralph von Williams, a real tear-jerker.

INTERMISSION

Then, Chamber Singers join with the Clarksville High School choir to perform Haydn's "Missa Sancti Nicholai", a mass with consisting of 7 Parts and many solos, 3 of which I jumped on (Kyrie, Benedictus, and Agnus Dei). It's always good to sing with Dylan as well as the very nice group of orchestral instrumentalists.

After, the performance, I felt so honored when Mr. Brody and Mrs. Pitts from the CHS music dept. both came up to me and praised my "Veni Creator Spiritus". They didn't expect a student to have written it, and I found myself making connections for my compositions. I was 100% invited to send them my songs to be performed by the bands and the choirs.

TODAY:

"Service Before Self" and $100

--Award's Ceremony for Students: I felt honored again to receive a Music scholarship and the Rotary Student of the Year: 2 certificates, 1 plaque, and $100 dollars (so now I can completely take care of all my fees! :) And Everything is fine.)

So, I've been very happy lately. Coming up next, I get to sing "'O Sole Mio" for Vocal Seminar. Then, Finals. Then, Summer.

Spring Break Day 3 Yesterday's Gone

2009-03-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

Nadia got back last night, and she was so excited about all the cool food she was able to purchase at the Asian Market in Oklahoma City. So, we've been having a great time with that. I decided to rest a bit today. My blood sugars have been great. Early this morning, it was 62; at 1 PM, it was 158; and it was 56 at 7 PM. I may do a few exercises today, but not too much. I'll hit it hard tomorrow.

"Dont stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Dont stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone."

-Fleetwood Mac

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8arvEzHsA8

Spring Break Day 2 There is No Spoon

2009-03-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well rested. Woke up at 11 and checked blood sugar. It's 187, so not ideal (still technically high blood sugar), but an improvement on how it's been lately. I go to see Laurie for a check up on April 20th, and I want my Hemoglobin A1C to be at least below 8. 6 is healthy, but I have to set a realistic goal, because the A1C gathers the blood sugar average for the past 3 months. If I can get below 8, I will consider it a major success. I want to find my MP3 player and go for a nice, long run today.

11 AM

BG: 187 mg/dL
Carb intake: 100 g
Bolus: 12.2 units
Music: Bon Jovi
Movie: Thank you for Smoking
Pushups: 50
Crunches: 200
Jumping Jacks: 100
Bicycle kicks: 200

"She says: We've got to hold on to what we've got'Cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not.We've got each other and that's a lot for love -We'll give it a shot.
We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer!"
-Bon Jovi

_____________________________

2PM

BG: 84 mg/dL

I'll start my run at 2PM
I don't know where I'll go, but I'll find out soon

_____________________________

5PM

BG: 230 mg/dL
Carb intake: 50 g
Bolus: 5.0 units

"Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate."

-Smashing Pumpkins
_______________________

7:30PM

BG: 59 mg/dL
Carb intake: 116 g
Bolus: 11.4

"Push the fader gifted animator
One for the now and eleven for the later
Never made it up to Minnesota
North Dakota man was a gunnin' for the quota
Down in the badlands she was savin' the best for last
It only hurts when I laugh."

-Red Hot Chili Peppers

My daily fitness tip wants me to hang a diagram of the food pyramid on my wall. Hmm...

Spring Break Day 1

2009-03-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I've had enough. 269 Blood Sugar today at 12:50. I am going to get healthy this Spring Break. Step 1: Spend Small Fortune at Wal-mart on "essential supplies":

Yoga Mat
Doors CD
Bon Jovi CD
Select Harvest Light: Vegetable Beef and Barley
18 Eggs
6 Bananas
Inspirational Movies: The Matrix Series

Today is the first day of Spring Break at the U of O. I will take full advantage of this time to:

I) Take complete and utter control of my blood sugar
II) Get into good shape or at least get on the road to good shape
III) Record it on the blog (to help me organize my blood sugar and exercise.

Day 1
1 PM
BG: 269 mg/dL
Carb intake: 150 g
Bolus: 19.9 units
Goal for tomorrow at 1 PM: 100 mg/dL
Protein intake: 58 g
Pushups: 50
Crunches 200
Music: The Doors
Movie: The Matrix
Reading Material: SPORTS AND FITNESS NUTRITION by Robert Wildman and Barry Miller: Ch 1. Nutrition, Exercise, and Health

"I'm gonna love ya til the heavens stop the rain
I'm gonna love ya til the stars fall from the sky
for you and I"
-The Doors

___________________________

Walked/Ran for a good hour and a half
First time I've felt truly motivated since February.

5PM
BG: 95 mg/dL
Carb intake: 0 g
Bolus: 0.0 units

__________________________

6PM
BG: 53 mg/dL
Carb intake: 28 g
Bolus: 1.5 units

_________________________

9PM
BG: 193 mg/dL
Carb intake: 0 g
Bolus: 0.0 units

_________________________

11PM
BG: 82 mg/dL
Carb intake: 80 g
Bolus: 8.2 units

Phishing Attempt

2009-03-12T18:38:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted, so I thought I'd come on and write a little more. Recently, school has been getting busy with the double major in Music and Communications. I'm learning to play the piano, my former room-mate and best friend Brandon Barron is doing incredibly well with Rachmaninoff's "Prelude in C# Minor", and it's really reminded me of my Mama Laura; I've been playing around with composing, camera work, helping Nadia understand cross-hatching in her Drawing class, proof-reading tutees' papers for pay, and sleeping very little, but enough.

I've recently formed a band with Brandon, my former room-mate and three other guys named Tony, Carlos, and Patrick. Our band's name is Phishing Attempt. Our first performance was "Freebird" for the Talent Show at the U of O, but we've been playing at the Coffee House and want to pursue further gigs elsewhere. Here is the link to the video on Youtube of us performing in Rowntree. My microphone was too soft in the beginning, but things improved, so the first verse is missing, but the second verse is there as well as the crazy guitar solo by Brandon.

Anyway, enjoy!

"Something's Scratchin' its Way Out"

2009-01-28T17:04:00.001-08:00

Found a cute song that I thought I'd post--a little morbid, but a morbid song can still be cute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_ZxYdu8p7o

On another note, school has started; everyone seems to be in their place; the Arrowhead starts in less than a week, and I'm looking forward to seeing who will survive! I've been writing, composing, running, studying, all that kind of stuff, so I just thought I'd update the "blog-o-sphere" (par. citation Scott Weber :). I am currently on duty as a writing lab tutor in the library at the U of O, reflecting on how the semester has been going so far. It's been pretty good, if a little different than previous semesters--I've been feeling a lot easier about some of the emotions I've had in the past, and I've learned to be at the center of the wheel (rather than on the outside: having extreme ups and downs). Life is good right now--And I love the cold!

"If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry."
- Dalai Lama

Haw Creek Falls

2009-01-19T17:55:00.000-08:00

Nadia and I have been looking into the stretch of Ozarks Highlands Trail that extends from Ozone Campground to Big Piney Creek Campground. It's a wonderful hike and full of potential (I've been having some creative thoughts about it) It's a 20 mile stretch through the Ozarks with steep but beautiful elevation changes, following the Little Piney Creek and then the Big Piney Creek and also going over at least 2 mountains. During this time of year, everything is gorgeous, so I'm betting in the autumn, it's just amazing. Here are some of our photos:

Ozone Campground

Nadia on the trail out of Ozone Campground

Little Piney Creek

Haw Creek Falls

Nadia at the Falls

Me at the Falls

"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."
-Dalai Lama

Dreaming on Two Feet

2009-01-14T20:11:00.000-08:00

Lesson 1: Love endures (lesson learned)
Lesson 2: The Shining is a great warning to those staying on college campuses over the break with the person they care about (lesson learned)
Lesson 3: Arrowhead was a bad idea for now (alright)

It's 2009, and I want to take a realistic approach to everything I do from now on. I have so many ideas buzzing in my brain, but I have to focus on what's right and what's manageable. Right now, my goal is not to do Rocky Raccoon, or any 100 this semester. My target is the Arkansas Traveller 100 in October. I must be able to dream on two feet, but I must also be able to plan on two feet. That means that I must not only set goals (things I want to accomplish), but also targets (things I WILL accomplish). I want to do a lot of things, so I do have many goals, but I must set aside those objectives which I will absolutely do no matter what. One of them is the Traveller, one of them is to finish school, and one of them is to love Nadia and show her that I love her. The other goals can turn into targets, but for now, these are big enough. It's the difference between dreaming and living.

This is REALLY SCARY

2009-01-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

I was innocently having fun on the Internet, looking around at Google Maps at the University of the Ozarks, when I saw an icon that you can click on that looks like a little orange man. I clicked on it, and you (anyone) can manuever the streets of Clarksville at your liesure and can rotate and look up and down to take in the sights (and the people walking on the sidewalk and the cars driving on the street.) It turns out, you can even see Nadia's car (a blue Geo Prism) driving by with her hand sticking out. You can even pull up beside the car for a better look. The link is attached to this blog. The cool thing is you can see just about any street in the US in this fashion. You can go anywhere and look around at the surroundings (Even Mount Shasta--I got to revisit Sengthong's this evening from the comfort of my own home--and Badwater--and look up at the Sea Level Mark). It's cool and scary at the same time--it makes me wonder what windows they can look into... Anyway, thought I'd share.

Love Ben

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=Clarksville,+AR&sll=48.531384,-93.293495&sspn=0.085939,0.307617&ie=UTF8&ll=35.477228,-93.466248&spn=0,359.997597&t=h&z=19&layer=c&cbll=35.477134,-93.466251&panoid=gkdp5aZ09wT09if-uN5BJA&cbp=12,239.9102408531461,,0,5

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

2008-12-27T01:41:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent me presents, and I hope everyone's holidays are going well! I would have written this sooner, but a hacker decided to give me a Christmas present, too (at least 20 of them). Right now, Nadia and I are the only people staying in the dorm, which we have decided is haunted by (benevolent?) ghosts. I.E. we're having a lot of fun nowadays. I hope everyone is nice and warm (It's a toasty 68F here!) and thank you again for the wonderful gifts!

Freezing Rain

2008-12-23T11:31:00.000-08:00

So, I'm starting to become very glad that I decided not to do the Arrowhead. The temperatures lately (15F) are especially uncomfortable when running. The 20 miles Nadia and I were going to run turned into 13 miles. We (neither of us) were ready for the 20F temperature that came late that night. We did have an enjoyable time running our half marathon, and we did have a satisfying time running together again. We have started praying again, so that brings us closer together as well, and everything seems to be fine! I'm still fighting with the Runner's World Training Log so I can keep Scott updated, but I think I will just have to e-mail him the training information. I need to dodge the freezing rain so I can do my Christmas shopping with Nadia, so I will tbe busy today, but a fun kind of busy. Of course, Nadia and I will do our 6 mile run today as well.

Only 21 Kilometers

2008-12-20T13:54:00.000-08:00

Nadia and I were in the kitchen making fried rice, and I found myself talking about organized religion, a subject that I try not to bring up with loved ones, but I felt compelled to talk about today. I told Nadia that I thought that the point of religion is not so much to believe what you're told as much as figuring things out for yourself. I think I must have been talking to myself. Anyway, it's a pleasant 49F with a wonderful wind advisory. Tonight, Nadia and I will devote 5 hours to going 20 miles (something that is quite pleasant after dark) in order to stay on schedule. One of the things (other than hopefully a few ultras) I would like to do is the Little Rock Marathon with Nadia. She loves to go out and run. She has even shown that she can run 15 miles in the past! Anyway, that's the plan for today. Arrowhead can wait for a year or two. I am still shooting for the Rocky Raccoon, as well as some other runs that my mom and Scott have told me about. On another note, I find the idea of a vision quest more appealing than competition (both can be found in the ultras), so I'm also going to go to Subiaco sometime to talk to the monks at the monastery to see how I can expand my spirituality in as many ways as possible. Note: I really do not like organized religion. 2nd Note: I love spirituality and God. 3rd Note: What I found in the desert was what one would find on a vision quest, so I'm hoping to experience such an amazing revelation again. 4th Note (Latest): It's pretty difficult to run in cold weather!!!!

The Good News is...

2008-12-16T01:00:00.001-08:00

I won't be getting frostbite this year.

Chills

2008-12-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

Questions I must consider--

If I drop from Arrowhead,
--will they not let me back in in the future years even if I'm prepared?
--will I show up as something worse than a DNF on the roster: a no-show?
--will I lose a great opportunity to do something like this at a young age?

What thrills me is being 20 and being accepted into Arrowhead, since I've been amazed by the idea for a while. But maybe, since everyone around me is saying this isn't my battle, this isn't my battle.

I want to do something that will make people proud of me.
I want to do something that will make me feel like I did something not everyone could do.

I'm still 20 for 4 more months.

I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I'm turning into an adult.

This is hard.

Bridge Over Troubled Water

2008-12-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

Okay, I finished the 13 miles this evening in about 2 hours again + Refueling energy and sugar at Wendy's aid station (at about 9 miles)--It was a good test in patience--luckily Simon and Garfunkel were there to help me wait in the ridiculously line. Not much improvement on yesterday, but it's promising to know I can do 2 hour runs of the same distance in two consecutive days. The sunset was an amazing show--I got to see it from its descent to its disappearance, and all of the colorful visuals in between. Then, something I thought was really cool: There was a runner who had just started out, wearing a white shirt, who passed me as things were starting to get dark, so I decided to keep him in my sight to pace myself. After a while, there was a third person, going in the same direction, moving with us, though none of us even knew each other. It was cool to see the mental connection that such activity can inspire, especially between strangers! The run was more difficult this time, but I think with tomorrow's day of rest, the next day I'll be able to keep up the work. My goal is now to keep all half-marathons to less than 2 hours. I feel very happy and I'm thirsty for more!

Finals Week

2008-12-14T11:54:00.000-08:00

I'm doing a lot of thinking, but really what I should be doing is running, so as soon as I publish this blog, I'm going to do another 13 miles and hopefully beat my 2 hour mark. It's daytime this time, so it won't be as cold, but right now distance is all that matters at this point. I'll deal with the cold when the snow and rain come in the next few days. Right now, I just have to knock down the miles. I'm trying not to overthink anymore at this point, so all the stress will disappear when I get out there on the nature trail. My next post will have my miles and time, and hopefully it will be closer to 1:30 than 2:00. Later.

Snowstorm

2008-12-14T08:32:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking--it's ridiculous how many forces (nature and human) are against me on this one. In complete honesty, the -60F and 135 miles are not nearly as scary as gaining the approval of others. That's why I've decided that people's approval is not a race requirement, just highly highly highly recommended. We're not in Death Valley anymore. Tomorrow, the snow passing through Minnesota will drench that area in -21F temperatures, something I am trying my best to comprehend, and it makes me shiver--In a good way.

New Personal Record

2008-12-13T13:31:00.000-08:00

13 miles in under 2 hours between 1:30 and 3:30 this morning. Temp: High 30s
Hoping to do at least half a marathon each training day (Fri., Sat., Sun., Tues.,and Thur.) That is, at least 2.5 marathons for this week and the next. If I can kick it up another notch by the 3rd week from now, I will. I'm hoping to get at least 4.5 marathons a week by the end of December.
Then, if I can do that, I will try 135 miles in under 60 hours. If I can do that (while being able to use all of my equipment properly), then I consider myself ready for Arrowhead sans the incredibly low temperature, which cannot be simulated in even the coldest of freezers here in Arkansas, so that will be one factor that I will have to experience for the first time in Minnesota.
The more I achieve, the more I want to run. The more I prepare, the less fear I have.

Update

2008-12-12T22:40:00.000-08:00

I have made a purchase, which feels good--and I'm running a lot, which feels even better. Each time, I feel myself becoming more and more used to the semi-cold (32dF) temperatures, which is, of course, nothing compared to Minnesota, but it's the best I can do. Very soon I will be taking on a half marathon each day for 4-6 days each week, hoping to get 2-3 marathons down each week. It's a gradual increase in endurance, and I know that if I train right, and start to test my equipment long before February in Arkansas's freezing nights, then I know that my mental stamina will not fail me, and neither will any other aspect of my training. Here's what I bought:

_______

Arctic Hat: $4
Knit Gloves: $8
Diabetic Socks: $2.50
Face Mask: $3
Thermal Top and Bottom: $14
___________

My wish list (1 item):

Hiking boots
Shoe Size: 9 1/2

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=10269792

___________

Things to do (soon)

Borrow (with every intention of returning, but having the money in reserve just in case)

-Camping Stove/Utensils
-Sled

Find (soon)

-A material of clothing that will allow the sweat to run off instead of sticking and freezing
-A well-paying job (and hopefully one that challenges me psychologically and physically such as the cold departments of Tyson)

I am not afraid anymore. And I am intelligent for not being afraid. It's not a question of whether or not I can accomplish my goal, it's when am I going to realize that it's 100% in my hands.

God bless
Ben

Very Difficult Decision

2008-12-03T14:36:00.000-08:00

The Arrowhead 135 is 135 miles through the Minnesota wilderness through snow and ice in temperatures of occassionally -60d F. The only thing harder than doing this race is deciding whether I should do it or not. I want to do it. This is very clear to me. There was trouble when I did the Badwater Solo, because I knew a few people might protest against me doing it. This time, there may be a few people who actually support me doing it. This time, it seems, I am really on my own. I have received many daunting analyses of the situation, and I know that I have a very heavy decision to make. The risk factor is great, but that is partly why I am attracted to it. I know that if I fail, it will be a great failure with many devastating aftershocks. I know this about the race. If I succeed, there will be great rewards. I want to do it. I want to run it, but there are many terrible things I must take into consideration as far as my physical well-being:

1. The Cold. My priorities:
Preventing Frostbite
Preventing Hypothermia
2. The Equipment. I must be able to successfully test the equipment I bring to Minnesota.
(For both the cold and the equipment, I've decided that I must find time to visit Minnesota before the race in order to test the equipment and experience the cold.)
3. The Distance. I consider this one of the least terrifying of the challenges associated with the Arrowhead. I have done this distance before, and I am running every day, increasing my stamina with each session.
4. Diabetes. Insulin cannot be frozen or else it cannot be used. I must find away to insulate the insulin. I must expose my skin to the blistering cold in order to check my blood sugar. Very difficult.

Those are the 4 threats that I can see. The cost can be easily saved up, but these four things are what makes the Arrowhead physically intimidating.

Other things that would be affected:

I would lose the faith of those who advised me to avoid doing this race whether I failed or succeeded.
I would potentially lose eligibility for the Badwater if I failed.

All of these things are on my mind. The $150 loss if I pull out seems like a minimal loss compared to the troubles I might find in the race, but none of these terrible things can equal the pride and strength that I would obtain from succeeding in finishing the Arrowhead 135 in under 60 hours.

SAVINGS POST 1

2008-12-01T17:21:00.000-08:00

I've decided to organize my thoughts on the costs of the Arrowhead. The total cost I have decided will run somewhere between $700-$800. As I train, I will also record the money that I will have saved up to cover these expenses.

Entry Fee: $150
Gas: $160
Des Moines Hotel: $110
International Falls Hotel: $100
Supplies: $200-$300

Arrowhead:
$720-$820

Costs already taken care of:

Entry Fee: $150

Total cost left: $570-$670

F1RST POST

2008-12-01T14:29:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to get a blog, because I felt that it would be a good way to document my preparation for challenging races such as my next goal: the Arrowhead 135 (http://www.arrowheadultra.com/) this coming February. I'm very nervous and very excited. It will be a cold that I've never felt before, so I'm going to add some interesting strategies to my training methods, all having to do with taking on this new kind of cold that I can't even comprehend until I actually go to International Falls, MN. Anyway, this is my first post, so I will get back with it when I have completed my training for the day (and brainstormed about future strategies). Somehow, I know that this race will be much more difficult than what I did with Scott's help in the Badwater Solo Crossing (http://sports.webshots.com/album/559791907uqABym)But I'm strong-willed, and I can do it.